40 Days & 40 Nights: Caffeine

What? I said I was going to start my Lent after the official Lent ended? Yeah, I say a lot of things, don’t I? Have no fear, I did start in on my Lent like I said I would. I just failed to write about it due to the constant haze of meh I felt for the world. And I started it on April 1st instead of March 31st because I decided to give myself one more bit of rebellion, given I didn’t really take advantage of my Lent from Lent. In summary, I did nothing new for myself other than continue to follow the same routine I always did, or at least that’s what it seemed like.

What can I say? I don’t really live the hedonistic life and hardly take any risks. Despite how I tire of living a planned and calculated life, going cold turkey is scary as heck and tends to smother rather than liberate me. As I found when I tried to do away with negativity, you don’t change with the flip of a switch. There is a switch in the sense that gears are now moving in another direction, but there’s a process that needs to be followed for a ship to pass through the Panama Canal if you know what I mean. One of the seven wonders of the industrial world may save you several thousand miles in travel time, but it’s not a straight 50 mile shot through the strip of land. In other words I will progress through steps, though I hope I’m willing to take the risks when they come round.

Pwning Life: Unemployment or Bust

This Monday will be my first official day of unemployment since May of last year. I gave my three weeks notice to my place of employ (because I felt it was more fair to do so) on April 1st. It was a matter of accident, really, and not intended to be a mean-spirited not-really-a-prank prank. I’m not aware of how much it showed in my demeanor or online presence, but I made it well known to the folk who managed to be around me: I was quite miserable from working there. I had no passion for the work I was doing, or even for the work I wanted to do when I was free from my employment. It was effecting my social life, making me mean-spirited, and thinking thoughts I never believed I could have. I needed to leave for my safety and the safety of others. Likely a little dramatic, but when you’re filled with such vile emotion for something, there’s not much else but drama.

What’s messed up about it all is I would have needed to leave next month anyway. Changes were coming round, and I had originally intended to stick it out till these changes because of duty and wanting to give proper dues to the employ. What is it they say about plans? I apparently didn’t anticipate the deterioration of my well-being when I first had these intentions back in 2012, and how could I? I was doing pretty well for myself, what with me being more socially active and creating video content on more than a weekly basis. Now months later, I find myself nothing more than an emotionless puppet, because it was better than feeling enraged at those around me. And given those moments were becoming harder to smother, it’s bye-bye, goodbye, I tried. Better to part than deal with things when the ball drops. Would have been quite ugly.

Pwning Life: VLOG Battle #2 + Reflection

It is indeed official. A health and wellness goal I’ve been trying to accomplish for almost three years: I am under 200 pounds in body weight. Go me. No really, go me. The occasion is indeed grand, though I’m a little late to celebrate it publicly, given this happened almost a month ago. Haven’t been in my right mind through that time, but I’m better (for now), and wish to sing and dance with you all in the moonlight. And other sayings which will likely creep you out, but as it goes.

Talking D&D: My Current PC #1

Just a little notice that I’ve made another video entry into my Talking D&D video series. Feel free to check it out and the rest of what I’ve made thus far. That’s pretty much it. Nothing to see here. Move along now.

Pwning Life: VLOG Battle #1

And I have yet thrown another duty upon myself when I should supposedly be getting my act together and making everything bare bones. So what do I do? Start another type of video series when I know I have enough trouble putting out episodes of A Moment In Nature, Living With, Strange Combos In My Mouth, Talking D&D, Tao of Toast,  and the long overdue return of 2 Guys 1 Couch and especially The Adventures of Buckethead. What’s up with me?

Talking D&D: Game Design is a Bitch

Despite the fact I write about it “a lot” in my blog, and now have a video series dedicated to it, my knowledge of Dungeons & Dragons is very abysmal. I’ve only played the game with approximately twenty other people through the years, the most prominent being friends and family round the area where I live rather than a diverse number of folk who have had a grander appreciation and vision of the game and what it can provide. I give myself credit where credit is due, but in truth I am just a man who has only tapped the potential creativity the game can provide, let alone the countless other games that are established along with with those still to be written.

Plain and simple, designing games for the masses to play and enjoy is a pain in the ass. What’s more, its doesn’t pay well in the long run. So many DMs put work into making a proper game occur, and not only does it not seem to work out during the game with friends but the with business world as well. Making a buck is so difficult if we were to pay heed to Robert J. Schwalb’s words. It makes the need to make something new and interesting rather pointless, doesn’t it? But hey! We do what we do because of passion, rather than a need of survival. Getting lucky with our ideas is merely a side effect, and should at least a single person smile and pat one of us on the back, we are validated in our efforts. More often than not at least.

Pwning Life: Finding Passion

On keeping up with Pwning Life (though I am ever behind), I took the step presented by Master Pain and took the T1Q Test. The test would “help me discover how to find my purpose in life” and find my passion. Before you all get to say, “That’s not how it works,” you are right with that thought in mind. I believe I went into it with that thought as well, but I did something I never really do these days, even with my writing : I put emotion into it. I was given the option to write full essays if I wanted to, so instead of writing short sentence responses, I made the most of my freedom I wrote about what I felt and believed with gusto.

Besides! The test couldn’t give me a proper return if I didn’t give enough data, right? You can only imagine how foolish I felt afterword. In reality, the T1Q test is nothing but a means to fish data out of you, asking challenging questions you likely never bothered with, and giving them back to you with some notes. The end result would be to have “your answers reflected back to you”…in other words, your passion is within the answers you wrote, but only you can see them. But we knew that all along, didn’t we?