Status Update 2016.8.22

I’m continually bothered by what I think I need to be doing with time, all while consoling myself that I need to be good to me and accept what I can do, taking baby steps of improvement along the way. Nothing new there, but a thought occurs to me why I rush and eventually belittle myself as to why things are the way they are. Perhaps I lack faith in the world empathizing with my moments, and why I am where I am (even when I don’t really know, especially that). I’m getting better at recognizing these feelings, so I can at least give myself a break some of the time. It just works a lot better when I don’t open my mouth, fail to follow through and lose integrity, making me regret I ever opened up to another at all. But if I can name The Fear, it can’t control me. Or at least be able to take small steps when I feel myself caught in a moment such as this.

There’s really nothing more I have to say than this. Just felt the need to sit and let my fingers flow, because my head was racing, and if I can just get it out in some fashion, in a space where it’s safe to do so and without judgement…I can get other things out of me. And yes, the Internet isn’t really a space without judgement, but for one, The Trolls have yet to find and bait me yet, so I’m free of their annoyance for now. And two, whatever I can say and share here is something I am comfortable sharing anywhere, so even if I did have The Trolls barking at me, I’d be okay. In theory. Still more data to collect for a definitive result.

Status Update 2016.6.24

A little tipsy right now, and JUST managed to persuade myself from biking to Walmart before they close at 11 PM. Just so I could buy a scale to accurately measure the weight of a future package so as to sell it properly on eBay. And this is a thought that started in my head before I started drinking, mind you. Why I started drinking on this seemingly free day when I can work upon The Things I always talk about…I have no idea. But that’s how it turned out, and I’m making the most of it. Continue reading

Status Update 2016.6.5

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It’s been a time since I said or shared anything about myself. While I would say it’s because nothing is happening, something is always happening. I just seem to have lost the ability to care to share what is inside my head as I used to. An odd circumstance I’ve always been meaning to change be looking through my headspace and clearly noting what is there upon this blog. Now is good a time as any. For a bit, because priorities, I guess. Continue reading

Aloha Project Famous, 2012 – 2015

Let us reminisce together. I first heard of Project Famous through Meetup in 2012, a social website MilTownKid got me into, though didn’t take advantage of until that time. The Meetup was created by Joey Broyles, and it fashioned itself as a safe and friendly environment to connect and create things, and would be proactive on getting all the projects we wanted done. Given my desire to create things and in desperate need of friendly connections, I jumped in and supported it from day one. Good things came about from our works. That much I can say as I look back on things, sad as I am about what happened in the long run.

I eventually moved to Madison in the hopes of working closer with those in Project Famous. It didn’t pan out. One – suicidal depression doesn’t leave you much creative energy to work with, and I’ve only been getting a turn around since June 2015. Two – leadership and participation was poorly understood. No one was being active with each other, be it presenting ideas or helping projects. It was as if people were waiting to be told what to do, rather than take initiative with others and create something. Continue reading

2015 In Review

The helper monkeys prepared a 2015 annual report for this blog. Read the summary of how this year went. In summary, not good. But that’s okay. Been getting better at handling how poorly I handle my life. Yes, I did say that right.

Otherwise have no time to be saying much about this. Got life to live, and priorities and such. No, I’m not responsible, I’m just stating how it is and that I may or may not get Thing accomplished. So…that’s all. More writings eventually. For now, go see something from Klaus tehKurios. He needs love right now.😉

Status Update 2015.10.26

In terms of an update/check-in/etc. on the self, and if I’m good to myself and accepting of how things really are…I’ve come a long way from my wretched days. To handle my depression, I take Prozac and see a therapist weeks at a time to help guide me through my head work. I consume Soylent for a large portion of my diet, not counting cheat days. This saves me money from groceries, time from shopping and cooking, and gives me a healthy and workable diet I can actually stick to and lose weight (with the addition of exercise). The fears of using a smartphone are gone, with digital tools helping me organize thoughts and communications better than ever. Even the last barrier came down by adding Facebook to the smartphone, leaving nothing between me and another in terms of connection, save my own failings to do so.

I have learned (am still learning) to love and be loved by another, and that I have that at all is a blessing I am ever thankful for, and is likely the crown achievement of where I stand right now. Could be called cheesy as hell, but when you have honestly never allowed yourself to fall into such feelings or even understand what it fully meant, hurt and all…trust me, this is huge. But in summary, things are great. I’m in a very good place right now with so much potential. Continue reading

Queer Shorts 10 In Summary

It’s been a time since Queer Shorts 10 happened over at the Bartell Theatre, and I’ve always intended to follow through on talking about it with a special someone. Only a little bit was covered, and having recently found the program from the production, I thought I would list my thoughts out over each play. Because a blog that doesn’t have at least weekly content is a blog without purpose. Or at least that’s the logic I’m going with at this time. As always, getting things done, even if they aren’t necessarily the best course of actions. It’s how I function to get at that which does need doing Eventually. Continue reading