Conversations with a Therapist #3 – This Clumsy Fool

We return to you live from my bedroom with another Conversations with The Rapist I mean a Therapist.  Next item is “Accidents” and wow…have I made plenty of those in my life. Being the socially awkward man who hasn’t gained enough skills worth noting, it’s pretty much a given at this point. There isn’t a day I go by I don’t notice some shortcoming in what I do or have done in the past. Due to this I’ve gotten fairly depressed throughout my life, and have built this incredibly high standard of who I am and should be, yet never really achieving it.

But you know what? It’s all good. The whole point of learning is to make those mistakes and learn from them. The only problem I see in all of that is I’ve learned these lessons at a rate that’s much slower than everyone else around me, due to the fact I literally disappeared from the world after high school (was I really ever there?). As such, the supposed high standard I set for myself is even higher than what would be considered normal, because I’m years behind the lot of people even younger than me.

I’ve since learned (or am learning) to let this go, because no matter how skilled or knowledgeable I become, there will always be someone better than me at something. I can’t keep living to always be the best when I never will. Sure, live to compete as humanity’s drive tells us, but I can’t and won’t live in constant dread of what I lack and what I fail at. I’ll smile at what I do, good or bad, knowing that no one really cares about my failings or can hurt me as much as I do. Granted, should I ever come across someone who does (and I have met them), they’re gone from my life. Got enough troubles dealing with what crap I give myself than others throwing on more.

On accidents in general, one thing that has gotten on my nerve is those who say there is no such thing as accidents: just incompetence. I’ve actually gotten this from a former boss after hearing of the many cuts, slips and bruises I would get throughout a single week. It irritates me because no matter how competant you are, some things will always be out of your control. If it’s not by your own failings, then it’s another who bring it about. If you’re afraid a relative of yours is going to die, congratulations, they are going to die. It’s inevitable, so poking at it is only going to make you miserable. Just accept and move on already.

Also, saying there is no such thing as an accident but incompetence disregards the meaning of “accident” entirely. When someone says they had an accident, they are saying either they or another failed at something, resulting in the fail. When put in that light you can understand why I get headaches when people say there is no such thing as accidents. It’s like saying there is no air, but nitrogen, oxygen, and many other gases. Redundant and pointless chatter. AHHH!!!

In summary, I’m not doing making mistakes yet, and the fact I never will be makes me smile. I actually enjoy the growth I get, slow that it is compared to the rest of the horde, but it’s mine. Wisdom comes slowly, and I just hope I live long enough to give it to the rest of the masses…who will make the same mistakes anyway, but need to go through them all the same to understand what we are telling them. As it goes.

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