40 Days & 40 Nights: Masturbation

I can finally consume chocolate. I am a happy guy. Though the question is, “Did I succeed in my goal to keep away from all chocolate?” Hell no! I failed within the first two weeks. I causally forgot I was on Lent when I was offered to eat some chocolate brownies offered by my sister in law, and didn’t realize my error until I dismissed the offer of chocolate days later. Then there was the time I needed to eat something in the morning while visiting family, and exasperated I had Nutella on toast, once again realizing my error days later.

Seriously, dismissing the consumption of chocolate is so alien to me, I can’t even remember I’m on a mission to keep it out of my mouth. Makes me wonder how I ever managed through my first Lent without meat. While it was a learning experiment, I still failed to keep chocolate out of my system. As long as we are on a trend of failure for my 40 Days & Nights trails, let’s try something I have no faith I can legitimately complete at all: Masturbation.

Let’s face it! I’m young, dumb, and full of cum. It’s a saying many my age would find vulgar because they’re a bunch of prudes, but it’s straight to the point. While I don’t go out actively seeking poon, it doesn’t mean I don’t desire it. It’s all a matter of being able to afford it (time, money, patience, etc.) and having a lifestyle which puts you out in the world. I sadly cannot afford it, and I certainly don’t have the lifestyle, being a recluse and all. Used to be out and about all the time, but still couldn’t afford it (or I didn’t take advantage of it, which I’m willing to debate). In other words, my life is the perfect storm for a date with Rosie Palm.

But enough talk on my lack of a sex life, and onto my mission. If anything, this is simply a supercharged version of a previous Lent, where in I not only need to keep myself away certain stimuli, but also can’t satisfy a need away from such stimuli. Again, this is something very alien to me, because I’ve pretty much accepted it as…well, nature. Saying second nature would be a show of ignorance, because sex in general is a natural act, and expecting it to be anything less would be foolish. And yet here I am forcing myself to abstain from such acts. Why? Growth and understanding. Yeah, I’ll go with that.

And for you pop cultured lot, yes, there’s a film titled 40 Days and 40 Nights about a man who abstains from sexual release. I kinda held out on doing something like this just because it would seem like I’m copying, but what the hell. Nothing is original anymore, so as it goes. Besides, I’m only giving up on the self gratification part, and am more than willing to fulfill that gratification with another. That I’ll be able to fulfill it is another matter entirely. In other words, the next few weeks are going to be a rough. It’s rough enough I have to move in a week and rebuild my life from the ground up. I suppose I need to build up a spine at some point, and it may as well be now. Dammit.

I best keep myself busy during the month of November till this is over on December 2. On that note, NaNoWriMo is coming on up. Idle hands are the devil’s playground, and maybe I can finally complete a novel this year, seeing as I only participated in three failed attempts thus far since 2007. Even if they are unfinished, they are amazing novel ideas all the same, and maybe NaNoWriMo 2011 could bring it yet again. But considering my issues with following through on promises to myself, should I simply let it go? My idle hands wonder.


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6 thoughts on “40 Days & 40 Nights: Masturbation

  1. […] pretty sure I don’t want to go through the last 40 again. I can see what got Matt Sullivan all turned up into knots. Being so used to controlling what […]

  2. […] to take myself away from Channel Awesome once again, and other producers while I am at it. Sorry, I’m still going to masturbate, and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it either. I need to do something to clear my […]

  3. […] I’ve come. I still watch Channel Awesome constantly, still look at porn and most assuredly masturbate to it, still consume chocolate like a fiend and play games like it’s going out of style. Yes, so […]

  4. […] but also partners, making me Forever Alone. I cope as most do by masturbation, the absence of which has been noted to cause plenty of issues in the past because I’m a sexual creature […]

  5. […] schedule. Can you tell that’s important to me? So screw it. Let’s give up masturbation again and be done with it. Attempt #2 has started since July 25, and I’ll be finished on September […]

  6. […] to be expected. Habits die hard, though I thankfully wasn’t going out of my mind like I was last time. No messed up dreams, wonky sleep schedules, or other issues one would expect. Just fairly normal […]

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