So…I’m pretty sure I don’t want to go through the last 40 again. I can see what got Matt Sullivan all turned up into knots. Being so used to controlling what I feel, abstaining from something I never really stopped since my teens, and…well, do you really need to be told I failed to go the full 40? The first two weeks were a bit of hell, and sleeping was a bother in of itself, let alone the dreams which would come (giggity?). I forget when and how the break actually happened, but let me say I felt right as rain afterword. Besides the obvious guilt, mind you, which I’m pretty good at when I know I should be acting a certain way.
Since then I’ve found plenty of excuses to relapse, though in the end I’ve still cut down the amount of masturbation that usually happens by 75%, which I can accept and be glad about. This has been a very learning experience for me, which is why I’ve prompted myself to start doing the 40’s to begin with. I’ve discovered I’m a much more sexual creature than originally thought, which I kind of figured anyway, but actually living through a reprieve had me face the facts. Suppose this would be the push I need to actually find an intimate connection with another, but I’m honestly lot more interested in catching up with things and making my life work. I’m self indulgent like that, and foolish for it. As it goes.
What comes next in my quest to learn the self? Having recently moved, I had to set up a new location for my bookshelf again, and with the limited space (or at least the desire to limit the space/possessions I have) I’ve found I have an overabundance of books. And this is after I sold a good chunk of them to Half Priced Books so I could afford some groceries. A lot of them I wouldn’t keep save for the fact I haven’t read them yet, which is why they don’t immediately get sold on my next visit to HPB or regifted to another (that anyone would appreciate some of the crap I have). Simply put, I need to either get rid of the junk, or at least read it then get rid of it, because I’d like a lot less clutter in my life. Seriously. I dislike the fact I still need to settle in a lot of my items because there’s either too much of it or someone else still needs to move their own stuff…which they also have too much of.
On examining why I haven’t read them all yet, I spend a lot of my reading/working time on the computer instead of in a book, which was my escape before I got addicted to this wonderful gun I sit in front of. No, this doesn’t mean I’m going to give up my means to create media, because I would be foolish, especially with my D&D game coming up this weekend. Instead, I look at where I’ve usually enjoyed reading the best, which was right before sleeping, either because I enjoy where a story is going and don’t want to drop it, or I need something to occupy my mind before rest takes me. As such, I need to give up what has become a mainstay in my sleeping habit since 2008: my Gameboy Advance SP.
Yes, I realize I spout a lot of nonsense, but there’s some sense to this action, trust me. The awesome that is my Gameboy Advance SP has been my sleep inducer for years. With it’s own built in light (revolutionary at the time of its release, if you can believe it), I could turn off the bedroom lights and cuddle up with a good game. All I had to worry about was not dropping it from my top bunk…which actually happens, because there have been countless times I’ve fallen asleep while playing the Gameboy. Yes, this is still happening. With this huge influx of books, it seems better to invest in a book light and finish off on some “necessary” reading than put any more wear and tear on my beloved Gameboy.
That, and I’m kind of sick of it at this time. Not that it sucks, but the current gaming trend I’m on right now has burned me out to gaming at large. Story time! I was driving through Whitewater one day when I remembered hearing about an amazing game store called Level Up Games. I stopped in, and even though I wasn’t keen on buying something with uncertain funds, I felt impolite at checking out the whole store, talking to the clerk for several minutes and not buying something. So I decided to buy Dawn of Souls, which is a two game bundle of the original Final Fantasy and Final Fantasy II (not to be confused with Final Fantasy IV) with updated graphics and gameplay.
I never played FFII, so I decided to wait on that experience and see how the experience of the original FFI I knew so well changed. And it sucks…so much. To be fair, there are some changes I like, such as updated dialogue, improved animation and bonuses added in so you’re not just playing the same game. But what of all the battles, via the Random Encounters? Far too easy, and too many of them. I may as well just hold the A Button and wait for the battle to be over, because halfway through the game all challenge is lost. Enemies cannot do enough damage while I do too much, and with the change from a Spell Slot magic system to MP (Magic Point), which you’ll never run out of because you’ll have so much gold to buy Ether, there will be plenty of healing and attack magic to back you up (the latter of which becoming pointless other than quickly ending fights in one attack other than a few).
And the bonus dungeons put in to give a little extra coating? In concept and without the random battles, they are great. They are an interesting blend of FF lore and humor, giving plenty for the FF fans to geek out about while you travel through familiar maps and battle against boss monsters from other games. But with the huge influx of Random Encounters against pointless vermin you could take out with a swipe of your hand? The dungeons become pure torture. What’s more, there is a bestiary feature which shows you all the monsters you’ve killed, how many times, and their stats. In order to complete it, you need to go through some of these dungeons more than once. And just what do you get for completing the bestiary? Nothing as far as I can tell, other than going through the torture of pointless button tapping to achieve a goal.
And considering the other game I would fall back on from this is Dragon Warrior Monsters 2, which suffers from many of the same faults in Dawn of Souls, it seems better to be doing some senseless reading than repetitive and pointless motions for a game that doesn’t go anywhere. If I haven’t finished with FFI by this point, I’ll likely return to it on January 12, 2012, along with FFII. Hopefully it fares better than FFI, which I appreciate for the nostalgia factor, but having grown up with understanding that my time is valuable, I may never defeat Chaos with an all Knight party. Don’t get me started with the White Mage Solo, which is just ridiculous.