Dropping entertainment consumption was doomed to fail, but that was already known. I did however have the most productive time in my life for a long while (despite depression), and even though I’m now free to consume as much as I want…I think I’m going to hold onto this. To a point. Channel Awesome likely lost a highly avid watcher in me, but I’ll keep up when I can. Those I’m subscribed to on YouTube will need to be caught up on, given I let my Watch List fill back up again. And if I intend to have a proper relationship with other users on YouTube, I need to be present, so…will need to get on that. After making sure I’m good and golden first, as always. Can’t help the world if I’m a mess.
To note, I actually forgot to add one thing to the Focus List for my last Lent, though I made sure to keep away from them all the same. That would be webcomics, of which I had a huge addiction to with their daily updates. Because I did hold off on appreciating my daily fix, however, I will now be able to enjoy them like a regular comic book. Depending on how well that turns out, I may start reading webcomics like this from here on out. While I do look forward to catching up on all of them, most notable of the lot is Goblins (for which I made two awesome commercials). It was in the final phase of finishing up another chapter when I started my Lent, and the direction it was going spooked me. Ever ready to see what went down.
For next Lent…huh. I’m certain insightful folk who read my last post can guess what I may have been wanting to attempt, and even now I wonder if it should be done. Say what you will about entertainment consumption, video production or even the whole of the Internet, all of which are central to my life at this time. What I’m thinking of giving up is part of my mind and character, and makes me who I am. I can’t just flip a switch and be someone else…or at least that’s what I would say, if I were of my previous mind set. Because I’m not (at least from this point till January 29, 2013), I’m willing to humor an experiment to see how I and the world changes. I am giving up Negativity (or pessimism if we want to get specific). Negative Nancy does not live here anymore (until she pays rent that is).
Before any of you send in your applause and cheer me on for giving up what always seems to push me into isolation, let me speak positively about Negativity. There is something to be said about what it is…whatever it is. I’ve always seen it as nothing more than being realistic, while those who claim to be positive and snobbishly ignoring those who stick to their feelings…well, they were the ones seen as negative to me? But that’s more an issue with the definition and usage of the word, however, and I’ve always been fascinated with perception, reality, and the logic behind happiness and sadness. Hope to research it all in-depth at some point, but for now I can pretty much say any truly happy and sane person needs pessimism.
Pessimism has a place and purpose in this world. The very reason we note things wrong around us is because we have the capacity to be pessimistic. The glass is half empty, just as it’s half full or any other measurement. To be completely free of negativity is to die a slow death, because hey, that growling in your stomach doesn’t mean a thing. Sure you haven’t eaten in a few days, but the sun is shining so brightly! Or it’s like believing there’s a magical man in the sky doing kind acts in the world, only not really. At least can and could possibly do it for you or those who need it when you’re least expecting it, so keep waiting! Wait…was that pessimism? Or just being optimistically realistic? Does it matter? *shrug*
Point being, everything is in waves, a yo-yo, mirrors, Yin and Yang, etc. and we will always need those who note the harshness of this world. They keep us balanced and safe, and till we are all capable of balancing ourselves that’s the way it shall be. Should you be of sound mind and note one who is not, pick them up as much as you can. You may be the one who puts them back on the right track, and that’s not optimism speaking but truth (which is transitory as well, so maybe not really?). And should they bring you down, I say huzzah, because a life without sadness is one that doesn’t understand it.
But as already noted, I’ve had my fill of pessimism these days, and I would at least like to attempt a path I never truly grasped in the past. I’ve rooted myself to the idea of balance so much for so long, and only now do I wonder if I drew my line in the sand a little farther one way than the other. So off I wander to parts unknown, wherein I preach gayness, rainbows, and share love for all of mankind with a heart filled with nothing but butterflies. Already feeling a little off, given I usually write such things like that as quick motivational pointers or jokes. Mostly jokes.
Don’t quite know how one attains and holds onto a fully optimistic outlook, because even the best of us lose our energy and get depressed naturally. So like entertainment consumption, it’s known I will not fully succeed in this Lent, but I will certainly have an experience. Will do as I always do when the anxiety and panic hits: root and remind myself what is reality, ignore what is not known, and keep on trucking toward the next step. Hard given I’m at my worst when working my job and can only think, which otherwise accomplishes nothing. But I will keep my head up, because that’s the commitment I intend to keep. Blue skies above clouds amassed, wind blowing the warm rain past. Floating down a river singing a song, wondering when my good friends will come along. Mmmm…