Saying you’re going to do away with Negativity while during a depression is like saying you’re not going to get wet while swimming. It’s incredibly unlikely. Not impossible, because I’m sure there are ways to do both, but the chance of failure is just too high. And I obviously failed. This past 40 has been incredibly miserable, what with my mind racing, the exhaustion after work, never getting things accomplished before or after work, using up my weekends in loneliness trying to catch up, never getting proper sleep because of it all…it was quite a bother.
Suppose it was the world reminding me that change doesn’t happen overnight, regardless of how much you want it to. It takes work, small changes day by day, till one day you realize you’re actually a lot different than you were. Sometimes you never even notice it, and it’s those around you who see the changes. I got a bit of that this past week when I stood next to my younger brother, who is a fit fighting machine. Apparently our mother didn’t know he was taller than me, or that I could actually fit into his pants now. While I already knew all that, what I didn’t know is that I’m only a little over ten pounds heavier than him. And I always thought I had a ways to go in terms of my fat loss and muscle development. Amazing what the facts are when someone points them out to you. Continue reading
Back when my life was falling apart in Milwaukee and I made the decision to run home to momma, I decided to met up with MilTownKid for coffee and a meeting. During this meeting, we talked about where we were going, but mostly where the heck I was going to go. Master Pain is awesome like that, and while I’ve yet to repay him in full for what he’s given me over the short time we’ve known each other (promoting my work, finding me a home, listening to money and girl troubles, etc.), he ever continues to give. Time to catch up on things.
Master Pain recently got out into the world once more (ever an ongoing process for us all), and he’s gathering up his crew the MilTownKlan for some epic projects in the near future. Putting the Band Back Together, Avengers Assemble, you name it. Being a self proclaimed member, I’m ready for the charge. And what is it? Well…? We are still in the process of trying to figure things out, learning who we each are and our talents, and that’s something which requires individual efforts on all parts. My own has been lacking, and I’ve yet to even see how I did with the goals we laid out that day in the coffee shop. This blog post is a means of catch up, and make sure I continue to be Pwning Life. Continue reading
Due to a recent obligation, I have committed myself to stay the optimist, despite the fact I am in a complete depression and loath myself completely. Still, there are moments when I realize I can say things in a different matter that it doesn’t have to convey the anger I tend to get at myself, the world, and especially myself. One such occasion was when I was writing a point about bullying, and it not only didn’t it fit with the topic of the post, but the mood was a little twisted. I think. It’s hard to think on the how and why when in such a state, you know? Regardless, I took those words out of the post they were written in, and the writing was much better because of it. As a means to not feel as if I wasted my time writing those previous words, however, I would like to salvage them and give more perspective.
On bullying of all things. It’s become quite the dirty word as of late, what with Amanda Todd’s suicide and all. I honestly feel dirty just talking about it, also because I don’t want to become another one of those people who talk about bullying just because it’s trendy. Fills me with sickness. However, I’ve always found it difficult to distinguish the line between bullying and justice in certain situations. To quickly get to the point, I say people like Rush Limbaugh deserve to be bullied, and he was back in the 1990’s before getting his fame. To note I actually didn’t watch that full clip till now, but forced myself to for the sake of writing this. I loathe such situations even if they are geared toward a vile human being who deserves it. To bully is to prey on those who are weak, and while The Weak are sometimes those who are wretched, sometimes it’s best to just step back. Continue reading