Saying you’re going to do away with Negativity while during a depression is like saying you’re not going to get wet while swimming. It’s incredibly unlikely. Not impossible, because I’m sure there are ways to do both, but the chance of failure is just too high. And I obviously failed. This past 40 has been incredibly miserable, what with my mind racing, the exhaustion after work, never getting things accomplished before or after work, using up my weekends in loneliness trying to catch up, never getting proper sleep because of it all…it was quite a bother.
Suppose it was the world reminding me that change doesn’t happen overnight, regardless of how much you want it to. It takes work, small changes day by day, till one day you realize you’re actually a lot different than you were. Sometimes you never even notice it, and it’s those around you who see the changes. I got a bit of that this past week when I stood next to my younger brother, who is a fit fighting machine. Apparently our mother didn’t know he was taller than me, or that I could actually fit into his pants now. While I already knew all that, what I didn’t know is that I’m only a little over ten pounds heavier than him. And I always thought I had a ways to go in terms of my fat loss and muscle development. Amazing what the facts are when someone points them out to you.
So what do I do now? I’m honestly stumped. The past few months have not treated me well (more like I haven’t treated myself well), and the idea of making my life difficult during this period just seems counterproductive. So how about I just give up Lent? That’s right. Apparently I’ve gone a nuts and think the act of giving up the act of giving up something for resolve will give me resolve. Then again, Lent has been a constant for me, and it’s been awhile since I’ve lived without restricting what I do. I kinda like the idea of being like that again.
For how long will this go on? Longer than 40 days & nights, that is for certain, for the legitimate Lent is starting February 13. So how about I start this up again after the end on March 31? By that point my head should be back in the game , and I’ll know what it is that needs to be given up to challenge myself anew. That or someone will give a suggestion. I am open to them.