Pwning Life: Finding Passion

On keeping up with Pwning Life (though I am ever behind), I took the step presented by Master Pain and took the T1Q Test. The test would “help me discover how to find my purpose in life” and find my passion. Before you all get to say, “That’s not how it works,” you are right with that thought in mind. I believe I went into it with that thought as well, but I did something I never really do these days, even with my writing : I put emotion into it. I was given the option to write full essays if I wanted to, so instead of writing short sentence responses, I made the most of my freedom I wrote about what I felt and believed with gusto.

Besides! The test couldn’t give me a proper return if I didn’t give enough data, right? You can only imagine how foolish I felt afterword. In reality, the T1Q test is nothing but a means to fish data out of you, asking challenging questions you likely never bothered with, and giving them back to you with some notes. The end result would be to have “your answers reflected back to you”…in other words, your passion is within the answers you wrote, but only you can see them. But we knew that all along, didn’t we?

And being the fellow who ever gets disgusted with the idea of losing any amount of writing because of the work that’s put into it (even if the point is moot), how about I share what I wrote through the lot of the T1Q test? It would certainly make finding my passion a little faster, that’s for certain, because I have a hard enough time figuring myself out, even with how in-depth I attempt to go with my writings. Format will be in question, my response, then a bit of direction from the T1Q “answer” section to assist me, and my own response in the now.

1. What are you naturally curious about?

I enjoy understanding other people. The trouble with me is I am horribly inept at socializing, and the act and rules of it all fascinate and frighten me. During breaks at work, I enjoy reading advice columns (along with the comics, of course), and about what bothers people and what they should do to fix things. I also enjoy reading the Business or Money segments of newspapers, because they give a different spin on money, products, and other items while the rest of the world is too busy dealing with glamor. And most importantly, religious and sexual topics interest me, because it’s not only a world I’ve yet to explore in full, but so many people are trying to control each other over beings that don’t exist and the lack of understanding that love isn’t defined by gender, but just is.

Your answer to this question gives you an indication what are the different topics where your passion may lie. You may find here clues about a suitable profession for you or a field you want to work on. Often what we naturally do we enjoy the most.

So all I need to do is read about the culture of sex, religion, money and how they all relate, and I’ll be set for life! *ahem* What can be gleaned from this is the obvious: I enjoy deciphering the social world, an otherwise alien world to me filled with wonder. Given that I have thus far embarked very little into the social world, I have a ways to go before knowing how deep my interest is, and where it specifically goes.

2. What would you like to change about the world?

Religion needs to not be abolished, but come to accept itself for what it’s followers already do: pick and choose what works, updating what is no longer applicable, and be more about inclusion and progress rather than exclusion and destruction. And while I have no true understanding of money or how it works, the system in place is currently choking the creative world. There needs to be a system in place to support the minds of the world, allowing them to create to the fullest of their abilities. And of course, make the world about sustaining the system, improving upon, rather than continually growing it with overuse or resources and overproduction of junk.

What makes you angry the most shows you in a way what you care about the most, what is close to your heart. It is unlikely that you are emotionally strongly moved by something you are not even slightly passionate about.

Have you heard about a certain Minecraft experiment wherein the world was limited to only a certain number of resources? I imagine that’s what the world is going to look like soon enough. At this point we have no global or even governmental plan on how to make living a sustainable thing, but rather focus on continued constant growth. Not only that, those who realize where we are going are tipping odds in their favor so they end up on top rather than fixing the problems. That’s not a world I want to live in, or even can live in when you think about it.

A lot of it deals with money as well. The U.S. Dollar’s power is backed by the government alone, and is nothing but paper should the government lose its standing. Bad news bears, because everything we do is based around money, to the point where the vast majority of the us forgot what it means to live without dependency on currency. All the more reason why we should burn the money. Okay, a little extreme, but given that money is burned just so the nonexistent value of it can stay at a certain level…it must be admitted something needs to give.

And religion…*sigh* loathe the labels, but I am an Atheist, and the idea of giving praise to something that has no bearing on our world bothers me. There are real people around us  to love and hold, who can and will bring about change in ours lives, yet many still look to something which doesn’t exist for their livelihood. I’m all for differing perspectives (especially when I’m attempting to change my own), but I’m concerned with dealing in the now, which others would pray for instead. If we can agree that we care about the now instead of what happens after, then we can work out the kinks after the matter. Especially the kooky Exodus translation where God didn’t kill Moses because his wife circumcised him. Or son. But really, what?

3. What would you love to do or accomplish before you die?

I want to love many people, and let them know how very much I appreciate how they touched me in my life, no matter how small. To make movies, books, and other creative ventures which make others think and laugh. To dance to many songs throughout the day. To uplift all my friends and family out of poverty and into a state they can sustain themselves.

The things you listed as answers not only give you an idea of your goals, but also your values – what is important to you and how you would like to live your life. See if you can spot any themes in your things to do list.

Other notes to this question asked I try to make my answer as big as I can, and it turned into one of the smallest answers throughout the test. Even if that’s the case, this is a very broad answer, with otherwise huge implications. I don’t ask for much, other than the ability to be able to knock people’s socks off. That I can do so is yet to be seen.

4. What would you do if you could not fail?

I wouldn’t show up for work next week, and begin working upon my film production and other creative ventures full time. With the excess amount of free time and success of my productions, I would be able to see the friends and family whom I have never had the luxury to appreciate to the fullest, and work with them to create new dreams, jobs, and ventures we never could before.

This question helped you to think without limitations. There is a good chance you wrote here things that you really want to do.

Thinking outside the box you’ve grown accustomed to is hard. But when Richard Dawkins comes up to you and shows you how to win at living (as Master Pain put it), life isn’t about what you’re able to do but what you are willing to do. And again, one of those short and broad answers, if only because I feel it’s enough. Or maybe I just haven’t given enough thought to it, because I tend to be realistic as all hell. Feet on the ground with what I know, rather than messing about. Order does feel better than the Chaos at times, but madness does have an appeal I’m willing to try.

5. What would you do if you would not be limited by money?

I would work for myself in my creative ventures (film, writing, gaming, etc.), and realize the full potential of the dream I had in my head. I would give this freedom to others as well so they may join me in the luxury of being able to appreciate all that we are. Their debts, bills, and gear would be tended to, and we would enjoy this world and make it better for all.

Similar to the last question, this question removed barriers from your thinking and brought out your inner desires. Remember that you might be able to earn money following your passion too.

As the comment notes, mostly a repeat of the last questions, so let’s not be redundant and move onto the next question.

6. What would you like to hear at your funeral?

They would obviously note how much of a recluse I was, but I would hope they would praise what great things I have made which made them think and want to live a little more, be a little more. That I cared for them, despite how little affection I would show, or how out of control I was of my emotions at times. That what I did gave them the ability to keep living and see the world in new ways, looking forward for what was to come.

Your answer shows you what you value and how you would like to live your life, what is truly important to you.

Sad story, I don’t believe many would show for my funeral if I had it tomorrow, save family if only out of obligation. I haven’t been a large enough part of their lives, as noted in a recent passing (or any passing we had when you get down to it). I don’t like it, and I know it’s not how it would play out, but it’s what comes to mind in regards to what I feel I deserve in the now. I am not at the state of supposed praise I would get in my answer, and even if I never do get there, I wish to be the fellow who at least attempted it.

7. What are the things you currently enjoy doing?

Whenever I can manage the time, I enjoy producing, sharing, and watching media productions. I haven’t been able to work with many because of my limited time and finances, but I ever relish the moments when I can get them. Hearing others talk about what is good in their live and how I can be a part of it all and them in my own plans fills me with hope that things will turn out okay with me.

Very straightforward – your passion may lie in one of those activities.

A lot of the entertainment I’ve enjoyed in the past is of the recluse. I’ve had ups and downs with it all, but I am slowly coming to terms with opening up to the world (if me sharing this blog wasn’t an indication). Dropping the consumerism, and not only being a producer, but a socializer. Not much progress on the latter, but it’s coming along.

8. What were the activities or tasks you were doing when you felt most empowered?

The worst jobs I’ve ever had involved very little communication, and I always felt miserable and alone in the midst of working on something that I supposedly wanted to do. I am at my happiest while at Anime Central, or even the worst financial choice I ever made, delivering food in the Milwaukee area. They made me feel special because I got to talk and communicate with other folk, and even make them happy in the process. Working with others in any fashion towards goal gives me purpose.

When you are passionate about some project or assignment, you feel energized, you don’t get tired and you feel excited. Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive and you discover yourself to be a greater person than you ever dreamed yourself to be. If you felt something like this when doing the tasks you listed, this might be it or at least you’re close.

One of the reasons I even seek out people (other than the fact society requires it of me) is because of the joy it brings me. Te be wanted, appreciated, and useful to the lot of the world is the goal of most everyone. It shows I’m not a hermit, or at least yet. Have enough fire in me to know I seek something more than this computer room and Internet connection. Redundant stuff, so moving on…

9. What would you most like to be acknowledged for so far in your life?

I don’t believe I have accomplished much, but what I have done I hope has brought smiles and profit to others. I have made video productions for musicians, and even for painters. If my music or artistic friends have gotten fans because of my work, then I did something right. If anything else, that I was there for someone when they really needed me, because I ever feel I’ve never done right with someone, and to know I’ve done otherwise would heal all self afflicted wounds.

You only take pride in things that matter to you. The question is if these things matter you the most?

More of that redundant feeling of appreciation and needing to help others whom I appreciate in turn. Moving on…

10. If you had only one wish, what would it be?

If there was one thing I could change in this world, I would make everyone understand that love knows no gender, and that just loving should be enough. No more gay bashing, no more conflicting laws which separate rather than bring together, and people being able to just hold each other without having to fight against the world to do so.

Now that you gave it some thought, try to think of at least 5 more people for whom you could make a wish, include strangers. After you’ve done this for a little while, see what trends you see. This will be at least very close to your purpose.

If Dungeons & Dragons taught me anything, it’s that you should be careful what you wish for: You just might get it. I would like to wish for something more extravagant, but without knowing the science of the issue or the consequences of my magical actions, I can’t in good judgement give a more powerful wish. Not to say that ending the sexual identity wars isn’t powerful, but it’s only one step to figuring out the issues of this world. And yet we make this a point on electing government officials, who in turn make laws to run the lives of those just wanting to live and love. If I could end it, I would do it in a heartbeat. Then we can move onto bigger fish to fry, with everyone being a lot happier for it.

11. Whose life do you want to be living?

I would have liked to have been Steve Jobs, a man who had the potential to make so much change not just with his technology, but his money. He always seemed so business oriented, and about the profit margin rather the the social and monetary consequences of what he did. In his position I would have taken the cut to my own lifestyle not just so I could live comfortably, but those around me. A sustained world, rather than one populated by expensive phones.

If you did pick anyone, why did you choose these people? There is something about their achievements, lifestyle or other aspects of life that you find desirable. That’s a hint.

Truth be told, I don’t know that much about Steve Jobs. How much of an impact he had, how charitable he was, or if he even had that much power to throw around as I make it out to be. What I do know is that his company produces expensive hardware and software, which are cheaply overproduced thanks to overseas labor, and it’s legal team has spent millions throwing around copyright law over those products. That’s enough to get on my nerves. Though I find myself reading into a quote from 1985 where on the topic of money he said, “The challenges are to figure out how to live with it and to reinvest it back into the world which means either giving it away or using it to express your concerns or values.” Given how I choose the man with very little understanding, coming to understand him will help understand myself. Or something to that effect.

12. What ideas are you most inspired by? Why?

That one can live without having to “work” has always fascinated me, and always seemed a dream. Via a combination of free tools, food, and mutually working with others around you, living is not only manageable, but enjoyable.

If there is an idea that really inspires you, that could very well be your purpose.

Redundant reasons as to why I’m fascinated with the concept of living outside a system of money controlled by the government. Next question!

13. With whom would you like to surround yourself?

Given the choice, I would love to be surrounded with those who play video games, watch movies, and appreciate pop culture like I do. We may be seen as life’s degenerates, but they are my people, and the people I not only want influencing me but whom I wish to uplift should I ever get my feet on the ground.

You become who you drink coffee with. The kind of people you want to have around you tells you what kind of a person you want to be.

I’m a geek. It’s not a secret. And I like being around other geeks, techies, trekkies, bronies, gamers, otaku, etc. who delve into ideas the lot of this world aren’t ready for yet. Serious Business yo. Our hobbies and mindsets tend to make us outcasts more often than not, however, so we are fairly spread out. Ever the dream to bridge the gap, because I tire of the distance and the promise of growing friendships which are fledgling as it stands.

With all but the last question answered, I would again like to point out all of these questions were a tad difficult to answer, if only because I never thought on them in the past or wasn’t used to the passion they required me to give. It’s the last question that threw me off, and not because of the answer, but more the direction the test gave me in regards to it.

14. Do you take responsibility for what is happening to you?

I am well aware of my mistakes, but I am also aware the system in which I’m expected to build myself from the ground up is exceptionally flawed. Government should be about bringing about the best in people, and making magic happen, yet me and those I love are constantly held back by a world that wants them to work upon that which no one really desires. My future is dependent on factors beyond my control, and that puts me in a position of extreme loathing, because I desire so much, but can never get more than the normal man.

Only you can change your future and create the life you want to live, no one else. If you blame others and shift the responsibility away from you, you are looking for answers in a wrong place. If you said yes, congratulations.

If some of my previous writings in this post don’t tell you why this comment from the test angers me, feel free to read again, because it’s redundant, and me saying I’m being redundant is getting redundant at this point. In other words, there’s no one out there trying to kill me? I hate to sound like Frank Miller, what with how devoid of reality it can be without other factors, but am I being asked to ignore the fact there exists people who are trying to oppress others? Why yes, I’ll just stick my head in a hole and ignore what’s wrong with the world, because I can do anything I put my mind to regardless of reality. If I fail, it has everything to do with me and not because someone else beat me to the punch. That makes sense.

And after all these final thoughts went through my mind (actually writing them here), something strange happened. An epiphany hit me. Perhaps all those limitations are there, but in the mind of the individual…we are free of them? More so, it’s upon the individual to believe in the good nature of the world around them, rather than worry and make plans against wretched things to occur. This got me thinking about Pay It Forward, which only works with a mind free of doubt and willing to believe even in those who have failed many times before. It is not an act of logic to Pay It Forward, though the potentiality of good does give reason to do as such, as it is with Karma. Which I shot down, being the practical thinker I am.

I…don’t really know what to say in the now, given the revelation I gave myself. I’ve already spoken on giving up fear already, so it’s not like I don’t understand the concept of waiving the risk of believing in another, especially when I have every reason not to. The world has rotten bits to it, and I’ve always believed that ignoring them stunts understanding, so…I honestly have no idea how to end this writing other than to say how confused I feel. I seek insight from one other than myself, something which I rarely do. Hopefully one is willing to respond.

Though if I was to gain any sort of insight from this experiment, there’s one thing I can say for certain: I’m apparently a hipster. Then again, aren’t we all?

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