It would seem it’s been almost two months since I’ve last written in this blog. I honestly didn’t want this to happen, and it’s not due to having nothing to write about. My last Lent summary from the Fall is still unwritten, and that’s almost six months ago. Half a year of being unable to write about a very eye opening experience I had, and it’s yet to leave my brain or even be sloshing around as an unformed idea. Just a marker of an idea that’s yet to be formed, along with the “101 ideas” that will be gotten to when I’m ready. If ever.
Depression doesn’t really care about your intentions. What dreams you have no matter the planning are sucked dry and leave you questioning why you even bothered to bring them about to begin with. You get used to not planning things at all just so you can do without the pain you feel when your plans fall apart. I do the same thing to cope with being socially awkward, so I end up calling myself a shit for being a depressive ass rather than a socially awkward depressive ass. It’s how I’ve managed to survive this long, but slowly dying isn’t living, so…as it goes. Continue reading