I try not to make promises anymore. Promises entail not just intention, but force of will and ability. I’ve lost the ability to have a will for anything, regardless of my ability, but the outcome remains the same: a flimsy intention, a failed promise. The amount of failure I feel is really just the imagined feelings I believe everyone has for me, regardless of what’s said by others. The constant clumsiness I feel never stops, so I just stopped trying. I no longer have faith in the world or even myself pulling through the motions,
Then something called A Matter of Legacy comes around, a musical slated to show at Broom Street Theater this Fall. Don’t bother going to the link, there’s nothing there at this time…yet. Rather, go to the BST Auditions page, which will give you the information you will need to be a part of the venture. A cast of twelve (nine men, three women) will not just be acting, but singing and dancing, something I’ve yearned to attempt for the very first time. Auditions will last July 14-16, 7 PM every night at the Wil-Mar Center (place is rocking), so there’s plenty of time to consider a piece to sing…except for me.
The possibility of going to the audition makes my heart hurt, because I made promise to eventually return to acting, and I yearned back when I arrived in Madison to be in a musical as well. And because I’m still not of sound mind, I’m not going to burden myself or others with myself. Want this show (any show for that matter) to go very well, and I have no faith it will if I commit myself to even considering the idea. As it goes. Should things be good come this Fall (doubtful, but possible), I look forward to seeing what Broom Street has been cooking up through the Summer. Something to look forward to, that is certain, and I don’t get that much anymore.