I Haven’t Made a Single Video Production in a Little Over a Year

The above is a video I uploaded to YouTube in November 2013, but have been pushing back the release date for the sole reason it gave a hint as to what my next big short was going to be. Also because I’ve been unable to edit any sort of video production since the Summer of 2014, and sharing when I cannot produce made no sense. The video went public because I failed to push back the release another month, totally expecting myself to finally get dat computer, yo. Instead tons of apathy kept me from just making a few clicks. The simplest of things are ever a mountain when in the fog.

And you know what? I’m okay with the fact it released. Let the video stay, no great loss has been had, because the body of the short will speak for itself when it’s finally released. If it’s ever released, given how good my track record has been thus far. But I like the fact this video came out when it did. I’m feeling oddly great today, full of vigor for the rest of the night, and watching myself in “my glory days” got me wondering…

What in the hell happened to me?

Two years ago I was in the best health of my life, I was ready, able, and willing to burn for my video production (and yet I would still stew about how I wasn’t getting my stuff done, my god), and I still had the capacity to seemingly have fun with myself. This is what I miss about me and the video production I used to do. I get how depression works and all, but it still boggles me to look back at who I was and find myself wanting, knowing full well I still wanted to die in those days. Jeez…

Not much is stopping me from jumping back in, save kicking myself in the shins and potentially spending money I can’t afford to lose. But the idea of doing so feels exciting, because something is actually happening. Better a mistake than doing nothing at all, as I continually try and tell myself, and every little thing has been pushed aside so I could cope day to day. Even the promises of collaboration have been pushed aside, especially the ones that put me back in video production. At that point it’s not just me that hurts from the melancholia, but those who invest in me.

…I honestly don’t know where I’m going with this. I just knew I wanted to say something about my feels in the now, and how this simply scheduling mistake has opened up a wealth of feels in me, and hey…noting them feels is what I tend to do here at Joe’s Ranting Place, isn’t it? So with that said, be looking forward to another Teh Random next week. That Random doesn’t have any “secrets” to glean, so why not? From there, how about actually putting forth the effort for real video production, the kind I keep promising to others, and especially myself? If anything, it would be interesting to see what I could accomplish with a Chromebook and computer tower in tandem.


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One thought on “I Haven’t Made a Single Video Production in a Little Over a Year

  1. Celeste Luzzio (@friendiva) May 10, 2015 at 11:33 pm Reply

    You are so tweet, I couldn’t resist.

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