I’m jumping on the Lent wagon again. This time I’m not giving up on one thing at a time, but going cold turkey: everything is going to be dropped. Tired of seeing a shade of myself with just a single piece of me missing. Want to see myself as an entirely different person, without all the vices holding me down (aka giving modest yet short comfort). Plus it’s much easier to pick up a whole new routine than ween slowly into it, because the shock will force the change, and keep it stronger in mind. Or at least that’s the belief me and my roommate have been having for awhile. Better to act a thought than let it lie, you know?
Where I’m at is rather unsteady, but I want to actually be doing something with myself, and bring focus into where I am and going. There’s a factor of falling back into depression despite the medication I’m on (yes, that is a thing now), but let’s pretend it isn’t here for now while I explain how this will work. Prior poss had me talk about how the last Lent challenge went, then talking about what I would be taking on next. Instead, I will now just note when deviations from my Lent occurs during a period, perhaps giving a background to the how and why. To remind everyone of how much of a fool I am, here is everything I’ve given up for a time in the past…
- Alcohol – This is going to make me feel bad for saying it, but I don’t want to give it up. I enjoy being social with others with a beverage, but…I have to try and have a good time with folks without the liquid courage. I’m doubting this will work out for me, given I’ve enjoyed the parties had in my home, and the intimate feels you can have with another. But one has to try. I mean, I didn’t start drinking till 5 years or so ago, and I survived up to that point, right? Though I could say a lot about myself at that time, but that’s neither here or there. Dang…what the hell am I going to do with my growler from The Great Dane?
- Caffeine – Complicated, because I am now LOVING coffee, and I would hate to give that up. Just means it will become a treat now? Also I might die or seriously hurt myself while working. I still don’t get a lot of sleep, and the 10 hour work days coupled with the things that keep me up late at night…doesn’t make me very coherent or even safe to drive in the morning. But force it I do, and I’m honestly tired about getting no sleep (heh heh) and using caffeine as a crutch. But as I force the issue of sleep and continue to get healthier, maybe it won’t be such a problem? Hmmm…
- Carbs – This is the very last Lent I attempted before my breakdown. I got the idea from my roommate who worked the Ketogenic Diet and was living proof of how well it worked (and without constant exercise). Tried it, and even going the “easy level” of the diet was rough, because just two slices of bread could put you over 50 grams of carbohydrates. But I managed to make it work out alright…again, till the breakdown. I’m uncertain of how well I can follow through with this, because my current diet gives me over 100+ grams of carbs before dinner. But the fact I would be watching it could likely be enough? At the very least, note the number of carbs I take in each day, and see what the trend is over time. Because Science (with a capital “S”) is fun.
- Channel Awesome – It’s amazing how this used to be a big part of my life. Sure, I wasn’t active in in the community (on a website that was rather poor for the purposes of it, and I don’t know if they’ve done much better), but I tried to watch as many of the content creators as I could. And paid dearly with my time. Thankfully learned balance with the folk, and have since gotten annoyed with the forced jokes and negative slant majority seem to have. Though I’m still appreciating a lot of creators akin to those from Channel Awesome. So, I have to cut back. Or at least prioritize the entertainment, and not let it consume me (on on that latter). Something that’s educational, like Brows Held High. Damn good discussion on film with that man.
- Chocolate – Thanks be given to my current diet, I’ve pretty much cut out the idea of eating chocolate…well, at least when I can’t mix it in with what I’m eating. Or happen to be at a store and need something sweet to snack upon while on the road. Not that I couldn’t wait to get home or anything, or that I need chocolate specifically, but…hey. My diet is working for me. And should it continue, my need of chocolate will (mostly) be past me. Cheat days not included.
- Convenience Store Food – Same deal with chocolate, but I sometimes find myself giving into this because of time, even though my current diet is a time saver in of itself. You’re getting gas, you’re on the round, a little hungry, why not have some conveniently cooked and warm food while here? It’s expensive and unhealthy, is what I have to keep telling myself. Let’s see if I listen.
- Cookies – Also Little Debbie treats and similar items. They are just so damn good. And like chocolate or any other delicious item, for the cheat days.
- eBay – I don’t even use this much anymore. Most everything I need is found around me thanks to Madison being awesome. Though I WILL note eBay was needed for a recent phone case, but…that’s okay. Fairly certain Madison won’t fail me from here on out. Maybe.
- Entertainment Consumption – I want to be an entertainer? Great! Time to be one, and stop making my life dedicated to consuming the works of others so as to enjoy myself. It’s known I enjoy working entertainment…so why not just do already?
- Gameboy – I miss my Gameboy! And gaming in general, but what’s to be done when a lot of other things have taken my time? To note, my phone has now taken over as the Gameboy via Final Fantasy Record Keeper, so maybe I could focus upon using that less? but then I would be cringing about missing the Daily Dungeons, or the special events which provide new items, characters, etc. and OKAY I may have a problem here. I admit it. Will see what can be done.
- Ice Cream – Tasty treat for cheat days and when sharing a pint with a lover. It’s superb.
- Instant Messaging – …This is interesting. Instant Messaging has evolved since last I wrote upon it, especially in how I understand it. I have half a mind to toss this out of the mix, given that I don’t spend my time sitting upon a program waiting for people to talk to. I either seek them out through email, or happen to bump into them through Facebook. It’s no longer waiting around, but being active with those around me. And that includes phoning people as well (texting now too, but that’s beside the point). Still don’t phone people enough, but that’s changing as well. I will review this item and see if it needs revision, just like all the other redundant “food” items on this list.
- Negativity – This was an interesting choice back in the day, and it went poorly. Give up negative thinking in the midst of depression? Yeah, that’ll work. But it was a rough time and I was anxious to think, act, and BE a different person than I was. Still am, and have issues with how I be and react to the world. Something to get over with time, and thanks to head doctors and head medicine that I’ve been going through…maybe I can finally be that different person? Must be working, given I was confusing a friend of mine with my “positive outlook,” as he called it.
- Masturbation – Who’s ready to see me go nuts!? Because that almost happened to me in the past. And now I want to try cold turkey? NoFap…give me strength! Though I don’t think this will be as much of a problem as it was in the past? I currently have a lover whom I can go to for such things. So if things really do get rough I just have to hope I’m on good terms with them, you know? Fingers crossed!
- Neopets – Oh my god…am I actually going to leave my adorable creatures to starve to death? Well, if I was being honesty they’ve actually starved already (if they actually did starve). This hasn’t been a part of my life in a long while. I’ve dropped pretty much all connections within and out the game, had intentions to return in style, but we know how that works. But it’s a time dump I worry about getting myself into, especially given the fact the transition into new hands is still shaky. OR maybe it’s fine because I haven’t been keeping up on the news? But really, this isn’t the time for me to go back into the game. LOTS of other things to worry about aside from a virtual pet that won’t die.
- Pants – Can you believe I haven’t worn my skirts in some time? I think over a year right now, and I mean more than just special occasions. True committed wearing of skirts has not happened for the longest time…and I miss them. I will likely still have to wear pants for work and special occasions, but dang it, let’s get some coloring flying with some shaking of the hips.
- Porn – You can do this. You can do this! Just stop visiting them sites you know and you’ll keep to it. Yeah…hmmm…
That’s it. My first check-in will be in early September 2015, 40 days & 40 nights from now (though I’ll likely have been doing this for far longer). Look forward to the detailed science to be shared there. And may the world have mercy upon me as I starve myself all all good things in my life.