Category Archives: Awesome

Queer Shorts 10 – In Summary

It’s been a time since Queer Shorts 10 happened over at the Bartell Theatre, and I’ve always intended to follow through on talking about it with a special someone. Only a little bit was covered, and having recently found the program from the production, I thought I would list my thoughts out over each play. Because a blog that doesn’t have at least weekly content is a blog without purpose. Or at least that’s the logic I’m going with at this time. As always, getting things done, even if they aren’t necessarily the best course of actions. It’s how I function to get at that which does need doing Eventually. Continue reading

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Fur Squared 2014 – In Summary

I went to a Furry convention. There’s really no need to beat around the bush, because I honestly don’t think it’s that big of a deal. I went into the den of the great evil! The big, bad, fursuited wolves! And found it to be no different than any other fandom, though I find preference to this than those who enjoy golfing, cars, and other conventions that happen around such mundane topics. I’m no Furry or even a Brony (much as my roommate will say otherwise, dammit, just stop), but I have enough geekdom/fandom/memes/etc. within me to understand that labels are bullshit. This Furry convention I went to is no different than any other convention I would otherwise enjoy.

OH!!! There’s a bunch of sexiness with animals going on! Sorry, not biting the bait of one “perversion” for another. Anime Central has its own bouts with sexiness, my favorite being the call outs of yaoi being sold, and fanart of the shirtless dwarves from the film adaptations of The Hobbit. If you look long enough you find perversion in anything, and while Furry DOES have it, it’s just a portion of the fandom. Anthropomorphic appreciation. That’s Furry fandom in a nutshell (to me at least), and if you enjoy fucking vampires you’re a fan as well, because they are undead bestial creatures. Cartoon animals! Almost everything in Dungeons & Dragons! There’s aspects of anthro in every fandom you enjoy, so Furry haters? Get over yourselves already! Continue reading

Pwning Life: POSITIVE JACOB!

I am not positive and have not been a positive person for some years now. That I’ve had a better attitude these last several months means nothing because the urge to stab sharp shards in my neck still happens. In other words, don’t let the title of this blog fool you. Rather, speaks of an ideally positive Jacob without the annoyance of reality holding him down. More on that in a moment, because let’s talk backstory.

My roommate has attempted to become a mental assist life some months before I had my actual turnaround, to give an ear and guidance under the rule I give some of my own in turn. Uncertain how much use I’ve actually been to him, but the work has actually been great for me. We’ve fallen behind a tad on the things we started up in those beginning weeks, but those starting weeks were damn good. Continue reading

One Year Anniversary of This Horrible Despicable Depressing Life

I’m a tad drunk right now, so this is of course the best time to talk about the depression that has consumed my life for almost the past year. A little over one year ago, I dropped everything in my life with other people: projects, communications, plans, etc. so I could focus on me and the things I needed to do for myself. What I found was I couldn’t even do that, and spiraled into a deeper depression because I was unwilling to establish connections with those I felt wanted nothing to do with me. Self harm was the only logical solution to me in an illogical sense, because lashing out at the world would have meant the end of me anyway, and I would have much rather hurt myself than those I thought mattered. That they matter at all is another thing entirely, because the point is in my head they mattered a hell of a lot, which is lovely and horrible all at once.

So…what has changed? If I was exceptionally critical of my standing, I would say not much. I’m still the vile shit fellow who no one wants anything to do with, that makes everyone uncomfortable to the point of ignoring the poor pitiful fellow, and can’t tell which way is correct even when a map is laid out for it. But the critic in me has gotten a tad tired of things, and I would much rather be ignorant of the bad stuff in my life and focus upon that which invokes the grandiose within me. If that isn’t progress, I don’t know what is. Continue reading

Pwning Life: Act Without Knowing

It feels strange to be writing a “Pwning Life” post when my life is very much in shambles, yet I’m suddenly inspired to talk on something after I came across an old bit of “writing” within some old folders. Back in the day I used to be a part of a writer’s critique group that met weekly to discuss each other’s writing. I talked about it a bit in a video, and in summary I had no business being there because I’m a vulgar atheist heathen. That I was allowed to be round as long as I did was indeed a miracle, though it still won’t change my stance on religion or that I was much better off elsewhere. That I never did join another writer’s group is another thing altogether.

The formula of each week’s gathering was as such: come forth with other’s writing you got last week, share announcements and/or advice, discuss and critique the prior week’s documents, possibly do a writing exercise, and get handed new documents to look over for next week. It did wonders to keep us on track with a quota, a quota I could never keep up with because I was a lazy schmuck. And yet one week instead of bringing in writing as I was supposed to, I brought in a mock pamphlet that spoke on the author Jacob Nelson (which is me…duh). I titled it Books You Don’t Need To Know About with the tagline, “Sometimes you just have to eat some cheese.” Continue reading

ACen 2014 Adverts

Anime Central 2014 advertisements, business cards, and promos…GO!!!

  • A Slap on Titan – In the vein of hilarious Team Four Star parodies, this one is for Attack on Titan, which is all the rage these days. Because naked giants chasing after you is scary as hell.
  • Albert The Alien – Kickstarter for a new graphic novel and OH HEY! This is a venture from Trevor Mueller! Which means it’s badass and deserves to get pushed through. DO IT!!!
  • Anime California – Anime convention that’s in California…obviously…and sponsored by Crunchyroll.
  • Anime NebrasKon – Anime convention that’s in Nebraska…and DANG that’s fine word play! I’m sold!

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Cryptic ACen 2014 Meanings

We once more bring you another annual blog post to explain the summarized tweet I always put out after coming back from Anime Central. It’s been another great convention of cosplay, fandom, anime, geekdom, madness, emotion, exhaustion, walking, laughing, and…*sigh*…I may as well just admit it. This was the worst ACen I’ve ever had. Not on the part of ACen or those I spent it with, because they have always been awesome to me. The reason for it sucking should actually be very apparent for those who understand what I’ve been going through, and should come as no surprise.

Depression – Of the many rules one must follow when going to any sort of convention, not going alone is paramount. Having strong connections with people to properly decompress with and bounce things off of just makes a con that much better, if not the very reason you go to begin with. As many know I’ve kept myself alone for the longest time, and this has resulted in me not speaking anyone right up to the point ACen started. The vast majority of my free time at ACen was spent sitting by myself and watching others appreciate each other’s company, and I did everything I could to keep myself from crying because I wanted and needed their company as well, but had no idea how I should go about it or even bother trusting in others for that matter.

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Everybody Draw Mohammed Day 2014

Happy Everybody Draw Mohammed Day! This is the fifth year of its inception, and Islamic tradition is still calling for the death of those who depict the Muslim prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). Well ain’t that a bunch of bull? Do your part this day by creating a peace of art depicting the grand prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), because nothing pisses off a god more than a caricature of his final prophet (again, peace be upon him). Gods be fickle, yo!

Everybody Draw Mohammed Day 2014

Pwning Life: The Realization of Worth Through Loss

I think I’ve done enough work to make it publicly known I’m suicidal, and if the fact hasn’t been hammered home yet, let this be the last nail on the coffin (ha ha?). I’m a lot better than I have been since November, but I have still been unable to find professional help. A combination of a lot of things factored into this (poor focus, more melancholy, funds, obligations, etc.), but the result is the same: I’m a depressive suicidal who has trouble communicating with others on a very basic level, which makes getting myself out of the funk I’m in all the harder. It’s a mess that makes me wonder why I even bother, given it’s likely going to be more trouble than it’s worth in regards to everyone involved.

It’s understood this is depressing news, but I have to be honest with what I feel because if I don’t let it out in some fashion I would otherwise burst in the worst way possible. Consider it the “cry for help” if you will. Writing, talking and being meta about my process has helped me cope…but only a bit. The hard wiring within me is still there, and no matter how much I deal with the symptoms the mess will continue lest I change it. It’s a shame that plenty is telling me I should just shrug my shoulders and cut my losses. Continue reading

To Be Thankful

This writing started near the end of Thanksgiving, which I spent alone in my apartment because I was going to have my family gathering on the upcoming Saturday. It has only been finished now because it’s a hell of a long piece and an emotionally invested one at that. Emotions are hard to translate into language and quantify in general, and the pauses between understanding what needs to be said about them and the crippling sensations they give tend to add up. But finished it I have, and it’s likely the only thing of worth that came from me this whole holiday season. *shiver*

Despite the obvious, this piece of writing isn’t Thanksgiving, Christmas, or even New Year related, though it could be said to have arisen as an idea when another talked about being thankful. I never undertook the idea because it was too large and over the top, and certainly not my style (never be a bother, hide in room, only communicate if it’s absolutely necessary, etc.). However, due to my life crumbling into depths I dreaded it could go, changing how I think, act and cope needs to become centric for survival. So why the hell not take on the one idea which could properly let the world know what I’m thankful for? I may not get another chance. Continue reading