Sometimes there are ideas for Akoha missions which have good intention, but are badly executed. One such mission was “Give It Up!” which asked participants to, “give up a bad habit at least for one day,” and…that’s just plain stupid. Not giving up legit bad habits, because that’s incredibly earth shattering stuff to change one’s self for the better (hopefully). The problem is giving up said habit(s) for a single day. Honestly, what does a single day matter in the scheme of things? Vices of this nature are hardwired into our system, and cause real problems when they are kept away. And don’t say, “This just shows how easy it is to drop a habit if that’s how one day felt.” Try dropping something completely and see how well your mind and body handles the shock of never being able to have that one thing ever again. Just try.
No, please try. It’s really for the best when on the goal of self discovery and reinventing yourself into a more ideal you, especially if that ideal is in your head and beyond the scope of whatever you can really do. But discovering that is a very important part of knowing yourself, which is something which only you can do and gives you the most joy in your life. Knowing is different than doing, however, though I did do plenty of the doing back in my 40 Days & 40 Nights faze. Through it all I found myself to be a very sexual creature, that I can never seem to be rid of chocolate and other tasty food, and I have a hard time breaking habits when they start. Continue reading
And here we are with another year in summary, compliments of data from the WordPress 2013 Annual Report. Just go read the report. I would have at least liked to have given some thoughts on the data as I did in previous years, but I honestly can’t muster the effort at this point. Just wanted to get this out because it probably wouldn’t get out any other way. Too much on my mind coupled with the random impulses I get. Happy New Year…I guess?
So it’s been over a month since I went over the deep end. Those who managed to attempt contact or at least note the media I created (social or otherwise) know that I am alive, and now those who read this blog (heh) know this fact too. I’m only better in the sense I can actually make things happen outside of working a job, sometimes eating well, and the favorite pastime of all depressives, sleeping. Those first couple weeks were really rotten, and I’m quite glad they are over and done with. All the same, odd thoughts continue to creep up on me (an example of which is noted below), and it’s going to be awhile before I risk giving myself up to the world again.
Despite the fact I’ve neglected updating here, things are still coming along despite me not making official notices of them. I’m still making the video production happen, though it’s tedious trying to work a worthless body when the soul wants to do so much. I’ve also moved onto my next lent, given the prior Lent was finished in the midst of last month. I’ll talk about it in its own post, though hopefully before the business finishes. No, not going to check the calender to make sure, because that’s too much stress and work for me to handle…really. Then there are the few times I go out and do social things with folk, but only if they are truly necessary under the government shutdown I’m in. I had one such event on October 12th when I went to The Massacre, a 24 film fest held at the Patio Theater. Continue reading
Munching on cookies right now, and feeling quite content despite the fact I need to clean up a bathroom, finish laundry, catch up on video production (as ever), and remember the rest of my theatrical lines by heart for tonight’s rehearsal. Never mind the fact I’m writing this and will likely throw several other things on myself, but I digress. The last 40 was fairly lackluster in terms of changes. Keep away from certain junk food, but feel free to indulge in others. Makes sense? I don’t think so either, but I was pulling things out of my ass when I made the commitment, given I had no plans in place. It’s that way once again, but we’ll get to that in a moment.
There were two instances of cookie consumption that occurred since I’ve last written here (aside from the one right now). One occurred during a birthday party in which I got in my awesome corset getup by voter request. The artist collective I’m part of knew I likely had it on me and voted to have it present, so I pulled up my stockings and danced. And got drunk enough to convince myself it’s okay to consume the Birthday Cake Oreo Cookies, because there was no actual cake. You are free to judge me on this because I could have said no, but as it goes. Continue reading
What? I said I was going to start my Lent after the official Lent ended? Yeah, I say a lot of things, don’t I? Have no fear, I did start in on my Lent like I said I would. I just failed to write about it due to the constant haze of meh I felt for the world. And I started it on April 1st instead of March 31st because I decided to give myself one more bit of rebellion, given I didn’t really take advantage of my Lent from Lent. In summary, I did nothing new for myself other than continue to follow the same routine I always did, or at least that’s what it seemed like.
What can I say? I don’t really live the hedonistic life and hardly take any risks. Despite how I tire of living a planned and calculated life, going cold turkey is scary as heck and tends to smother rather than liberate me. As I found when I tried to do away with negativity, you don’t change with the flip of a switch. There is a switch in the sense that gears are now moving in another direction, but there’s a process that needs to be followed for a ship to pass through the Panama Canal if you know what I mean. One of the seven wonders of the industrial world may save you several thousand miles in travel time, but it’s not a straight 50 mile shot through the strip of land. In other words I will progress through steps, though I hope I’m willing to take the risks when they come round. Continue reading