It’s been a time since I said or shared anything about myself. While I would say it’s because nothing is happening, something is always happening. I just seem to have lost the ability to care to share what is inside my head as I used to. An odd circumstance I’ve always been meaning to change be looking through my headspace and clearly noting what is there upon this blog. Now is good a time as any. For a bit, because priorities, I guess.
I still don’t get any sleep, and I “tried” to get a new sleep schedule (though I’m reminded I didn’t work that hard), but in the end…I prefer to work and be social through my evening. And this is at odds with my current job, allowing me at most 5 hours of sleep a night through the week. Weekends reset me very well, but then I’m not focused on my “work” away from work, and then back to the real work. Same ole story, tire of it, blah blah blah, but steps I’ve been taken make me feel I’m on track to changing them.
My smartphone use is strong. So strong I’ve gone beyond the capabilities of my current service, requiring either a high profile provider or even a new phone if it doesn’t stand up to what I am needing. The phone has become my communication and entertainment, and given that duty used to be my desktop computer which otherwise tethered me to a room? And I can now take my Chromebook and smartphone to go out into the world more? Fair trade for now, though I still don’t have a desktop computer for media creation, and that is a whole other trouble.
My return to “Lent” has been an utter failure, though I understand why it did…or at least I’m trying to right now. I came into it with lots of energy, and wrote up templates to be filled and post at a predetermined time. I gloated over my accomplishment. And then…I just slowly stopped noting where I was winning and failing. Documenting things became a chore I didn’t see the value in, and I still have trouble with it. I’ve been pondering the idea of creating a series of automated forms and spreadsheets via Google products, thinking that as long as I can note the data at the end of the 40, all while have an easy to use data collection tool, I’d be gold. but I’ve delayed it like all the other stuff. Eventually?
To note, I have succeeded in following through on items within my Lent collection. My consumption of media is lower than ever, and despite being tethered to a provider via smartphone. I’ve dropped almost all use of Facebook and moved all future activity to Google+, though I hardly use it, just as I was hardly using Facebook by the end. My communication is more direct (when I think to do it), and I give myself a break so as to stop worrying about…well, everything. My diet of Soylent continues to be strong, and while I cheat far more than I would like, I still don’t hate the taste of the mixture, be it powder or drink. Coming on a year with that, and that’s quite the accomplishment. Clutter is continuing to lessen around me, and the systems I use for continual upkeep are getting better, be it from doing it myself or reaching out to others.
And my leave from Project Famous has pretty much been what I thought it would be: inconsequential. By the point of my announcement, I had pretty much distanced from everything that was happening (or not happening, as was the case). The status quo of whom I have or haven’t interacted with in the past hasn’t changed. I’m still as messy as I was when I still considered myself part of the (non) collective, but I certainly don’t have the insistent barking of my brain telling me something isn’t right. I still have a lot of the habits/processes I gained through my time with Project Famous, but I’ve slowly been letting go. It’s a freeing feeling when you’re stressing over how much you have to do, and then realize you don’t have to do jack.
That leaves us to now with me taking the photo above after leaving a park which was all the partying. Noticed that my hair was getting blown all over the place despite being pulled back in a pony tail. And that’s because my hair is falling out/breaking off, after having damaged it from two bleachings/colorings in a weeks time. Or I am just going bald. Whatever the case, it’s interesting to realize my hair is deciding to go short before I wanted it to. As it goes.
What I have for you in the now. More to dissect in time.
Tagged: Depression, Food, Happiness, Memories, Project Famous, Social, Therapy, Video Games, Video Production, Work
Joe's Ranting Place 
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