Through my years of living, I’ve come to accept that what I promise is a big difference from what I can do. Not so much in what I can actually do (which really isn’t much), but what I’m able to push myself to do with the time that I have. Too often I fall into traps of habit and thought which keep me from intended goals, and end up making everyone unhappy in the long run. That’s probably overly dramatic, but even without the emotion it’s true: I fail at living up not only to others but to myself. Ever the goal to work myself into gear and churn out all that I intend one step at a time, but hey look, it’s a new flash game that has you caging your girlfriend up because she’s a zombie. Fun!
“Cross My Heart” was played on December 16, 2010, and shares one of those promises I have thus far failed to keep. Shared on this mission because I believe it required to share a promise that was close to your heart, or something to that effect. And this promise? It’s Neopets related, and given how random and otherwise unimportant that one game is in the long run of things, that can give you an idea at the number and range of promises and expectations I give for myself. Oh, just read what I had to say… Continue reading
I’m an oddball. I’m quite aware of this. Many of the actions and thoughts I take are out of the norm, more often than not getting me into trouble. Mind you, this is most possibly the mindset I’ve retained since childhood, where as now most adult wouldn’t give a crap, but I digress. The point is a lot of what I do shocks the people around me, which is something I’ve become not only accustomed to, but appreciative as well. If I can shock someone in such a way that makes them smile and also lets them know who I am a little better, all the better. And even though I’m supposedly “odd” to the rest of the world, I know their others much worse in that regard. Given that I feel incredibly normal and frankly don’t care if told I’m odd, because that just means the other person hasn’t really matured yet. Which I know sounds incredibly backwards because I know how immature I can also be, but as it goes.
Just needed to re-clarify that with the mission “Light the World” played on December 9, 2010. It asked for users to take a picture of freedom, of which was difficult for me to do. My video camera had photo capabilities, yet I had no memory card to make it work, and the process of getting photos from film was bothersome. I had a camera phone at the time, but each picture sent to my email cost me. So instead of taking my own photo, I used another photo someone else took (and was also edited in some fashion), which technically means I never completed this mission properly. But when did I ever let that stop me? And once again, I stress so very much how strange in thought and action I am. You may proceed. Continue reading
One of the main reasons I blog is to retain memories. My mind works fairly different from the lot of the world, and I recall the strangest of things other people find rather insignificant. All the same, I forget things, such as most of myself before I was 24, along with the little tidbits that make my life happy. Writing these thoughts down makes me feel save that I’ll never forget these memories, and I can always look back not only at what I knew, but how I presented it, which is a whole other facet to the spectrum of memory. Plus I like the idea of putting my thoughts together in one coherent piece which can fully explain what I feel better than what usually happens when I explain on the fly. Too many listeners get frustrated with the stutters and pauses I like to take while reminiscing.
What I wish to remember can either be huge documents, or 140 character tweets (and I’m a firm believer of using all 140 characters to the greatest effect). Most of the time they are fairly straight forward, while a good many are cryptic and hold meaning to me only. The latter is a form of data compression for me, where in I don’t need to recall everything about the memory, and just the keywords and feelings expressed in the note I write. When I read my otherwise incomprehensible writings, my brain makes all the proper connections and I have perfect clarity. In theory. Continue reading
I can finally waste my money once again on eBay, though I really don’t think I want to at this point. Having little funds and little income makes for a sad man, and I honestly don’t know what I could buy that I’d need. There’s always more Dungeons & Dragons material to buy, that is for certain, not to mention all the other gaming materials I never touched. Could also upgrade all the tech I have and make the push to finally get a Nintendo DS (and do it right this time). And it’s a given I’ve been keen getting another Canon HG10 for bigger productions, so why the heck not?
Because I don’t need it, and I certainly don’t intend to be playing any new games or filming anything impressive soon. Better to work with what I got than spend, spend, spend till I have more than I can do anything with. Just another one of those never-ending goals in my life: to cut the fat and become more efficient. It’s a skill that still requires a lot of development, including the willpower to make things happen, but as it goes. And while I’m making the push to keep away from eBay, I do have to wonder what I’m going to do with the eBay certificate of $o.50 which will expire at the beginning of may. Surely I don’t want that to go to waste? Continue reading
“Master of Birthdays” required me to give someone a rememberable birthday gift, surprise, or just a gift in general…maybe. I can’t properly remember what was necessary, or even know if what I did manage to give was on par with what I had to do. All the same, it was a gift where there was otherwise none, and for that I am happy and thankful I could at least go that far. Seriously, my track record the last few years has been horrible in terms of keeping up with dates, promises, intentions, etc. that I’ve come to the desire of wanting to give up entirely. Why bother trying for a few when I can’t please all like I desire? Yes, I realize that’s faulty logic, and I’ve come to realize that, but I ever wish to please the lot knowing full well I could never get that goal, let alone think on myself in the process.
Played on November 1, 2010, a coworker of mine had his birthday pass, and I wanted to start being appreciative to my coworkers who I felt had my back when the chips were down. I wasn’t really a part of their lives, but I ever wanted to be, so if I could do a small thing like give a birthday gift, it was at least something. But along with the problem of being horribly inept at keeping with intentions, I couldn’t keep up with the funding, which unlike my inept control of my life I couldn’t change (though that’s a debate for another time). As such, I had to get creative on how I could give him something rememberable but cheap. Apparently I’m so cheap it hurts. As it goes… Continue reading
I’ve intended to make weekly blogs since I got back on the band wagon, and I’ve since let that falter. This is because most of the entries I would write take more effort than I’m willing (aka lazy), or I don’t have anything other than Akoha History. And I loathe the idea of having nothing but Akoha history for weeks on end. But should I keep with that thought, I likely won’t be done talking about Akoka till next year in consideration with my current output, and who wants to read about a website that’s been dead since August 15, 2011? So even if it it means having nothing but me reminiscing about things that don’t matter (or do they matter?), I’m intent on finishing this up. Besides, I have my Akoha Backlog to worry about, which is all the missions I intended to do…honestly, what’s wrong with me?
*ahem* “Oh, the Memories” dealt with talking about an old photo which inspired deep and strong memories within you, and this photo is dual purpose. One, it’s a photo from my old family front porch, the one that can still be seen from Google Maps (I have to wonder when they will change that). Two, it’s a photo I took for an old friend of mine, whom I don’t even want to call an acquittance anymore because of how much hate I feel for that person. In summary, my delves into trusting the wrong crowd are many, and this one was so wretched it pushed me to reevaluate everything in my life. Could be said it was the point where I became “alive”, but I won’t bore you with such talk and get on with the words of my Old Self… Continue reading